Lessons learned in the dark
Last night, two things of seemingly little consequence occurred. 1.) My new 800 thread count king-sized sheets finally arrived, and 2.) There was a thunder/lightening storm.
Michael and I pulled the trigger on a purchase that I've been day-dreaming about since I was in my third trimester with Scarlett-- a king sized bed. I told Michael "Before I get huge pregnant again, I need a king sized bed." I stand by that high-maintenance comment, too. I mean, have you seen me 9 months pregnant? Back in those hefty pregnant days I couldn't even sleep until Michael left for work in the mornings and I could spread out in all of my pregnant glory like I was trying to make a snow-angel in the bedding. I think growing my third human made my pleas for a bigger bed dang near impossible to argue with, so, right as I approached my second trimester I loaded up my Amazon cart with everything from the mattress to the water-proof bed cover and hit "order."
Speaking of being high maintenance, is anyone else spoiled rotten from living so long with Amazon Prime's efficient 2-day shipping? Who am I kidding?! We are ALL spoiled by 2-day shipping! Covid-19 is certainly cramping our style in all kinds of ways, but nothing has opened my eyes to what a cushy life I've been living than having to wait weeks on end for my online purchases. #firstworldproblems I was a little crestfallen to see that my mattress would arrive days before my bed-frame, my sheets would arrive a couple of weeks after that, and everything else would be arriving sometime in the middle of May.
We've been enjoying our comfy mattress (which, fancy alert, is now on top of it's bed-frame.) for a couple of weeks now, but we haven't really been able to enjoy it to it's full capacity as we do not own any king-sized sheets. We've been ghettoing up our new mattress by lying a queen-sized comforter on top of it. It just seemed wrong! I was tracking the shipping info on those sheets so closely, you'd think someone was mailing me a ruby the size of a golf-ball or something. But yesterday, they CAME! Bedtime was already approaching by the time they were washed, dried, and snugly fit across the mattress. I was positively giddy about these dang sheets! I could hardly wait to climb in bed... and when I did, HEAVEN! Now THIS, this was living. We clicked off the lights and I drifted into a blissful sleep, sprawled out and deeply satisfied with my purchase...
I awoke shortly after to the sound of thunder and rain while lightening flashed outside of my bedroom window. This only heightened my sense of contentment. New sheets, a huge bed, and a lulling rain storm? How lucky was I? I snuggled back into my pillow and fell back asleep. I don't know how much time passed before I heard Ellie screaming my name frantically. "Mommy! MOMMY! MOMMMYYYY!! NO, NO, NOOOO!!!" Ellie usually comes to our room if she needs anything during the night, so I was on high alert, I clumsily ran across the house to her bedroom. Wondering for a groggy second why the hall light we always leave on was off. When I entered her room I knew the problem right away. It was pitch black.
Back story, Ellie is terrified of the dark. Terrified. I realize at some point in her short life we are the ones that made this so. It started with a door cracked opened and a hall-light on. Then we got an extremely bright night-light in hopes that we could bargain with her to close her door in exchange for her multi-colored teddy-bear night light. Somehow it turned into a door wide open, a hall light on, and her night-light set to it's brightest setting being the magical combo that keeps her happily in bed. (Stop judging us, Karen. she's our first one--we've made a few mistakes.) Anyways, it took my sleepy brain a minute longer to figure out that our power was out. My soothing thunder storm must have knocked down a power-line! I climbed in bed with my almost four-year-old and held her close. "I'm scared!" she whimpered. I rubbed her back, "Mommy isn't going anywhere, I'll stay right here." She put each of her little hands on my cheeks like she was scared I would disappear into the darkness if she let go before falling back to sleep. I thought longingly of my new sheets and my big bed (and then of my full bladder and a toilet) before I too fell into an uneasy sleep with the hands of my daughter on my face. She woke up frequently throughout the night to make sure I was still beside her in the darkness.
I know it's silly, but isn't this just what motherhood is all about? Getting excited over something as simple as bed sheets and then well, motherhood calls? Or maybe you're looking forward to nap-time that day because you have big plans to paint your toe-nails but then, randomly, your baby decides that it's a perfect day to scream for the duration of what would have been your special pedicure time. Or you are jazzed that your kids seem to be really absorbed in their playtime so you can really enjoy your trip alone to the restroom but then bam! There's a "mommmmyyy" on the otherside of the door while the knob turns rapidly like that terrifying raptor scene in Jurassic Park.
The moment I became a mother was the moment that my time no longer belonged to only me. And while there are days where I desperately wish that I could just take a long shower without an audience of two little girls pressing their adorable little faces up against the glass and asking me for a refill on their chocolate milk--I would never trade these precious moments for the longest night's sleep in the coziest of king-sized beds. How special is it that mine is the name they call when they're scared of the dark? How tender is it that any time I cough even the tiniest bit my two-year-old asks, "Are you k', Mama?"And I've heard enough seasoned mothers talk about how quickly it all goes. So while some of the days may seem, oh, so long the years will continue on at lightening speed and all too soon this little one in my belly will be walking out that front door and my time will, once again, be my own. I know that looking back it won't be memories of a full night's sleep I'm missing.
But I mean, I won't be mad if tonight I get to truly enjoy those sheets.